Here we go, a new year, a new impulsive list of goals we hope to cling onto until December 31st, or better yet, forever. This year’s resolution, start a blog. I had my hesitations, but truly believe the cosmos are aligned or the stars are orbiting in a certain freaky deaky pattern, however the fuck that works.
Before I seduce you into reading further, or ritually, I feel its only right to buy you the proverbial dinner first. My greatest fear is having this turn into some type of Bridget Jones or Cathy cartoon car wreck and will prevent doing so at all costs. Should aaak every escape these typing lips, PULL THE RED LEVER and shut this mother down. This is no diary. Really though, I love love love feedback, it’s the main purpose of this blog’s existence.
So here’s what’s on the menu for this week....
I recently watched Drew Barrymore’s latest film Going the Distance. Now, this is the type of thing I would normally encourage you to keep towards the bottom of your list, especially when romantic comedies these days are often far too painful to sit through, even for me...but this one comes highly recommended cause you have Justin Long, Charlie Day of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Jim Gaffigan, SNL’s Jason Sudeikis, and Ron Livingston to ease the pain.
My beef with romantic comedies is not that they are not amusing, entertaining, what have you, but the very real way women have subconsciously come to believe the characters’ behaviors mirror real life, in any way. Too often do I see repercussions of girls, be it friends or drunk women in a bar bathroom, not recognizing they are in fact FICTION. He didn't surprise you with flowers? He's never filled a whole room with candles with a spontaneity that seemingly feels like it will last forever? Don't feel bad. All those candles are a major fire hazard anyway. And most men do not chase women through the airport on a whim. They just don't. If you think about it, the chances of them pulling it off with all the romantic fervor you see in the movies is HIGHLY unlikely given today’s terrorism-related anxiety measures. So kudos for you men that have even considered the notion.
Why not? Airport security’s why not. Remember when Ross could run right up to the gate for Rachel? Now, Hollywood has made such a shtick of men getting held up chasing the women they love into the airport, you know the bit: “I just need to talk to her for one second” Then **beep beep beep** I’m sorry, Sir, you’re belt, you’re keys, yadda yadda yadda...
...But I’m curious...what would TSA really do if men, in fact, wanted to accomplish this feat? I’d like some answers to the hard-hitting questions regarding O’Hare’s security stipulations: Is there a chasing women at the airport clause? If a guy looks flustered, he’s chasing the love of his life, puts the car at the curb, would you personally bend the rules, just for a minute? I mean, he looks like a good guy, with a nice smile, (maybe gives off that bitchin sense of humor vibe, too) Would it make a difference to you if they were chasing after the man of their life Mr. TSA man? What if it’s the woman doing the chasing? Something tells the movie would take more of a Fatal Attraction turn in such a case, stupid double standards... and something also tells most TSA wouldn’t allow it, ESPECIALLY with a hearty smile, as they reflect on the wonder of life, whilst shaking their head side to side, humming "Crazy Little Thing Called Love"
Hope your holiday travels were not delayed by some schmuck who didn’t realize he loved her in the damn car...
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