I didn’t want to do it, I really didn’t. I watched several other films just to get out of it but I’m sorry, it’s plaguing me like a bad hangover...it's Black Swan time.
I did not hate this movie.
I did not hate this movie.
I did not hate this movie.
You know, it doesn’t matter how many times I write it, the chalk just doesn’t make it true teach...
In all honesty, I did not hate it. But Darren Aronofsky’s latest tiptoes this indescribable fence between love and hate. It’s visually striking, it’s surprising, also not surprising, and an edgy lesbian sex scene is always an Oscar nomination flare gun. How do I put this, if the movie was candy, it’d have been a Warhead. Unpleasantly sour, but also sweet, though the punch of the sour was not nearly worth the sweet, and you really only ate it on a dare or because everybody else was doing it. Am I wrong? (You’re not wrong Walter) On the other hand, those Warheads were like crack on the four-square/wall ball backstreets of middle school, and similarly, I know people who are positively ape-shit for this movie.
Where it went right: the acting. Amazing, but are we really expecting anything less from Natalie Portman, Vincent Cassel, and Winona Ryder? I never expect much from Mila Kunis, but even she nailed it...
Where it went wrong: I’m not interested in giving anything away, none of this spoiler alert garbage. All I can say is whenever the protagonist is the victim of psychosis, or schizophrenia, (it’s in the trailer, chill) you are opening up a can of worms that must be constructed very carefully. And if you’re doing so without Brad Pitt’s abs in Fight Club, I’m probably not interested. See, I ruined Fight Club instead, no worries...
So, in keeping with the theme of the film, I decided it’d be best to interrogate the authenticity of the world of ballet with an interview with my good friend and amazing ballet dancer Lizzie Cohen...
Q: How many years have you done ballet?
A: Since I was 9 years old, so 12 years.
Q: In all those years, how many cases have there been of dancers sprouting feathers?
A: None that I know of...
Q: I see, so is that just for dancers in Swan Lake then? Do you think they’d get a choice for which color swan possesses their psyche, like do you want a black or white iPod?
A: They do not get to choose their own color. In a performance I did, one ballerina never took off her feather headpiece until the end of the performance run so maybe she had the curse or whatever.
Q: How many fouettes are necessary to make one’s eyes all bloodshot like that?
A: Probably 66.
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| the superhuman Lizzie Cohen |
In other news, I’m pretty sure my remote and couch cushion are having an affair. I feel like a tyrant housewife ripping through the living room screaming “where the hell is that little bitch, I know she’s here!” Dear Apple TV, next generation needs a bigger remote, this is America...Have a great week!
I don't know about this movie. I probably won't see it. I don't get excited looking at Brad Pitt's Abs. I'm Curious George. got my abs from climbing trees.I did like Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise though. Got to get off the computer. Jay woke form his nap.I like your moms page.She's cool! Curious George.
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